I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
