Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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