thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
