Sponge bath it is.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
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It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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