well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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