Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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