help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
