ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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