Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
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It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
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I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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