the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
