Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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