Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she looked like the before picture.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
