just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
