The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Drake has all the answers
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
