why didn't you poke me back
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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