he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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