You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
