I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
