I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize