Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
