I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
