my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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