My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
