I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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