you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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