JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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