so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
