Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
