I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
