A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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