I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
