Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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