Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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