I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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