tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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