Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
