Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
