Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
