I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
