I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
