I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
