we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
