just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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