Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You left your phone here
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