fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
