I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
