Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
