The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
