this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
