Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
