He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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