Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
