Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
