My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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