Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
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Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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