Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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