i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
