This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
