it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
