He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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