2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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