there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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