So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
